Thursday, February 19, 2009

A funny email that Mom got

Texas' Mommy C (for those that don't know, Mom got our One Who Came Before, Texas, from a friend at work) sent our Mommy this email. Mommy wanted to share this wif you.
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The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.


Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.


The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.


I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.


For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.


The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.


Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:


(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they

call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short,

hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.


Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:


(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...

9 comments:

Milo and Alfie said...

Mom fell off her chair larfing at these!

Daisy said...

That was hilarious! Whenever my Mommie goes into the bathroom, Harley sits there poking his paws under the door and crying. Now she usually leaves the door open for him!

Eric and Flynn said...

Haha! That was funny but it is true too.

Derby said...

Mum has that too but not posted on the bid cold box.

Sweet Praline said...

Mom just leaves the bathroom door open for me because I wasn't satisfied until she opened it.

Kaz's Cats said...

Mum loves emails like this one. That is such a great post.

Purrs

Gypsy & Tasha

Samantha and Mr. Tigger said...

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! We love the one best where you can sell their children!!!!
Your FL furiends,

Cat with a garden said...

That was a very funny read! We do that bathroom whining too!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

When I go in the bathroom, I just leave the door ajar a bit so the cats can come on in if they want--a plus of just having a husband and pets. This list of instructions is very good though!